S.P.E.A.R. From Afar

As I made my way back to my typhoon-beaten home in the jungles of Guam, I worried about waking up feeling as if none of this ever happened. 5 days in Tokyo with my best friends and amazing wife in tow, who is 4 months pregnant with our child, were a culmination of a life-long fantasies and a lifetime of producing work. In reality, my dream of playing my music abroad had finally come true, all thanks in gratitude to my band S.P.E.A.R.

Growing up on an island as an immigrant in such an isolated territory, I only REALLY had the privilege to imagine a better circumstance. Struggle followed my family from El Salvador after the war, and moving to Guam from America only made our lives more peculiar than I would become in the process. Ultimately, I felt like I could never fit in any of these places. I found refuge in my art. Creating worlds to live in is what brought me to music as a medium. This allowed me to tell my story in my own terms and I never looked back. From there, I found my tribe in the local music scene - starting a Post-Rock band as a teen, playing in indie bands with my future wife, and finding my way back into hardcore punk through the formation of S.P.E.A.R.

Ever since I became an artist, I dreamt of going as far away from my circumstances as I could. I always believed music would be my ticket. Classroom daydreams turned into a lifestyle that had me eventually playing the biggest venues on the island. I even managed to make a career in radio at our local NPR station. All after a stint in San Fransico that spat me back to Guam, inspired, hungry, and determined to share a vision I had confirmed by the taste of what I experienced out there (not to mention a broken leg as well). It’s been a decade since I returned home with my debut record with To The Hill [which I recently released on physical tape]. All of this set the precedent for what would eventually lead me to Japan.

I don’t get to travel much. Last time I did, I cleared out my bank account and left in dire straits to prove I could find a place where I belonged. Instead I became disillusioned with what I held out as the answer to my problems back home. I learned to appreciate what I already had in a community that took me in and a family that only wanted what was best for me. Still in the back of my mind I knew there was something out there that only I could understand. I made the best of my situation towards creating a better life, never giving up on myself in order to oblige the work needed to stabilize relationships. Everyone in SPEAR was there through pivotal times and they understood me the way only bandmates could. We were all on a similar path. now these friendships are bonded through ‘Invasive Species’’. This is our hardcore bands debut 4 song EP which we released in January of this year.

That record is our answer. for 4 years we conceptualized a weapon for use to take on the injustices that have been done to us as people through history. Carving out a space for our anger, we found that many others needed room for how they felt as well. The support for our music is what launched us into playing our first international gig with NO Model & SOUR, and The Spit in Japan. It took a village, but there we were among important hardcore bands that were just as fucking angry.

Thanks to Takashi-san and the bands, our guitarist Chris managed to work out the logistics in order for us to meet their opportunity with his DIY label Pure CHance. Before I could fully comprehend what was actually happening, we were already 4 days into enjoying the sights and cool stuff in Tokyo. As someone who grew up appreciating Japanese artists the likes of Nujabes and Boris, it was inspiring to finally be in the land of the rising sun. With friends and family no less. We even took the opportunity to catch an amazing show in support of Subsonic Eye’s new album, along with Texas3000 and Soccer. You don’t get to see bands like that on Guam often, But we were also on a mission to connect with those that took a chance on us and prove that oceans between could not restrict our reach.

We took the first chance we could to throw down for No Model and Sour on Day 1 of the Japanese leg of their tour around Asia. So apart from killer performances by them and the opening bands, we made friends that night with genuine folks. Sehun and Jeff left me with tears at the anger they unleashed at the helm of their respective bands. The message each band told through their perspectives as post Korean war adoptees who were sold was a sight to behold and a sonic barrage to handle. I managed to fight off a dude or two in the pit while my pregnant wife stood up front to take film photos. Off the stage each member of Sour and No Model were as cool as can be outside the venue. By the time we all chopped it up in the alley, it started to feel as familiar as any show back home would.

Day 2 of their tour in Japan was next. The following day we were set to open for them alongside The Spit at Earthdom in Shin-Okubo. Fortunately Chris booked our lodging right behind the venue like a genius and that meant we had adapted to the area by then, konbini’s and all. By that point we acclimated to what was ahead, having practiced at a rehearsal space the day we got in the country. Even with all that being said and done, I was nerve wrecked while waiting in the green room. I didn’t anticipate the feeling of self doubt to creep in like a village stroll at night. do i REALLY DESERVE THIS? The biggest gig of my life was underway, and we were finally up next.

I had to handle so many emotions before and after we played. Everything I ever wanted had finally happened. IN a flash we had people throwing down for us and shouting lyrics. All the trust, hope, and work I had ever harnessed and put forth for this dream finally manifested. This is who I am. This is what I’m meant to do. More importantly, the band accomplished what we set out to do with our music. Educating the world on our perspectives as islanders tied to a history of colonialism and war is what we aim for. This world can be a fucked up place. Hardcore punk is not afraid to resist the oppressive realities many of us face and what many other currently fight in places like Sudan or Palestine. Chamorros know as much if you study their past. This is the connective scar tissue that brought all of us together on this trip.

I am grateful for this moment of resistance. I get to defy my circumstances with the people I love that believe in me as much as I do them. We returned home to our daily routines and obligations. I missed my dogs and cat Chunkstie. It WAS HARD TO ADJUST AFTER SUCH A MILESTONE BUT EVENTUALLY THE FEELING IN MY FEET CAME BACK FROM traveling AROUND THE CITY SO MUCH. We also made it out with loot of our own, All the cool music, merch, and stuff we bought as reminders of this time. Regardless of keepsakes though I walk around here feeling changed by what transpired. Forever.

Thanks again to my bandmates Thomas, Kyle, Machalek, and Chris for creating something with me that I’m incredibly proud of. Thank you to my wife Regina and lil’ gnarly for being so strong and radical. Thank you to Takashi and everyone in No Model, Sour, and The Spit for letting us join you all on this journey. Thank you to Taku for handling merch sales so graciously. Special thanks to Taro of Anorak! for taking my family and friends out for a special night in Tokyo. I want to thank the sound and crew at Earthdom for setting us up better than we’ve ever heard. Thank you to everyone that has supported my dreams through the years and put their trust in me every time I took another step towards my goals. I couldn’t have done this without any of you.